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Lately I've been thinking
of some aspects of life, that I'm sure everyone wonder about from time
to time. And even if you don't, maybe you will, after you've read what I
think.
It's stuff that concerns all of us from time to time, and I'm willing
to share my feelings about these subjects with you.
I'm not saying that
my opinions are the right ones, and if there's something that you find
totally out of line, or maybe just something you think that I've really
missed or missunderstood, please feel free to send me an e-mail with your
comments. I'll be happy to hear what you think.
Age
Love
Honesty
Loneliness
Beauty
Death
Christmas and peace
Have you ever had the feeling that times play a trick on you ? Remember the time when you were very young, and all the old aunts came to pinch your cheek or ruffle your hair and telling you how fast you'd grown ? Remember what you thought of those ladies ? I certainly remember what I thought ! Why, I haven't grown an inch since the last time they saw me. I knew that, cause I was there every minute of the day. Nevertheless they kept telling me, how big I was and how time was flying. Boy...Were they stupid !
Just take a month like December. Boy....was that loooong....! And all it really was all about was the 24 day until christmas eve. It seemed like magic. Time was slowing down that month. Ask any child about it. But as we grow older it seems as if time starts to speed up. It just slips through our fingers like sand, and one day we are the old aunts pinching cheeks and telling the kids how fast they grow.
I don't understand it though. Something must happen along the way. I know I'm not an old aunt, but the kids that I see, seem to grow up a lot faster than I did. How do they do that ? And most important...Why do thay do that ? I mean, the magic slips away when you grow up. There's absolutely no need to hurry. Take December again for instance. As a kid December lasted a million years, as an adult it just goes *wooosh* and it's christmas, and it's New Years, and that's it ! Something happens along the way !
The worst thing though is not seeing the kids growing up much too fast reminding you of your own age. (I don't have any kids to remind me !) The worst thing is to find the first grey hairs ! Aaaaarrrggghhh..... Grey hair ! Then you're really over the hill. And why should I have grey hair ? I mean, I'm still just a big kid. I still adore stuffed toys, going to Disneyland, watching Disney movies and all that stuff, so I can't be really old, can I ?
At last You gotta accept that age has sneaked up on you, and you settle for the "young at heart" stuff. You never really believe it though. You're not really old, it's just time playing tricks on you. Maybe you look older, and kids start to call you mam, but that's still just a part of the game. When you looked yesterday, you were still very young, and even though you've learned a few things along the way, you're not even close to being old. Not if you live to be a 100 !
Everybody talk about love, and telling how great it is, or how much they love this or that, but what is it really about ? Some people claim that love is just an invention by smart poets trying to make some money, while all we ordinary people could go and feel real lousy because we haven't felt that sensational feeling, they were talking about.
I believe in love. I know that it exsist, but I'm not saying that I can define what love is. I guess that's up tp you to decide. When you love, you know what it is, and you don't doubt the exicstense of love. It's the greatest feeling of all. It can make you happy, so nothing can touch you, and it can make you so sad that you wish to end your life right here and now. Oh, yes. Love is powerfull.
There's several kinds of love though. There's the love that you share with your family and friends. There's the love for nature and all living things and there's the love between man and woman. Actually, I would like to refer to the last kind as "true love", as it's not just limited to be a man-woman thing, but also sometimes love between two people of the same gender. Their love is just as deep and pure, even though it's not socially acceptable. The "true love" is what everybody talk about. It's the most powerfull kind of love, and the most fragile too. It demands a lot of respect from both sides, and that's not something to be taken for granted. In true love you share your inner feelings with another human being, and no matter how close you are, you'll always be two different people. You cannot own another person and you can't be owned either. If you just remember that, you've come a long way !
The phrase "I love" is often misused. Love has been degraded to a simple phrase, that doesn't really mean anything. I love this and I love that, and in the end, when you really love, nobody's really sure if you mean it. It's like "The boy who cried wolf". Don't abuse the word. It'll cost you in the other end. If you use it with consideration, you'll be able to say "I love you", and the one you say it to will believe you. It's very important that both parties believe. If not, there's no love !
We do take some love for granted though. The love you recieve from your family is not a love that you pay a lot of attention to. It's just there. Your family has to love you....only because you are family. That's not so. Why should they waste their feelings on you ? If you don't appreciate it, what's the big deal ? So a little advice here.....Show your family that you treasure their love, and show them that you love them too. Love works both ways.
The same thing goes for your friends. They don't have to love you. They don't even have to like you, and there's no family bonds here to keep you together. So take care of your friends, and show your appreciation.
Love for nature and all living things is actually important for all of us. It's a matter of taking care of nature, which will be a profit to all mankind. Think og the enviroment in your everyday life. Take care of our planet. After all, the earth is not your property. It's the place you leave for you children to grow up in. Think about it, and show a little love !
One of the 10 commandments tells us not to lie. We're raised in the spirit of being honest, but not all of us are. I guess none of us can say "I never told a lie in my whole life", and be truthfull. Mostly we lie to protect ourselves, and then it's kinda okay. You can lie as long as you don't hurt anybody. Well....where did honesty go ?
I believe that most of us are brought up to tell the truth, but we also learned not to hurt other people's feelings. So on one hand we don't want to lie, and on the other we can't tell the truth if it might hurt. Where does that leave us ? Well, I guess it's somewhere in the middle. You can modify the truth and still be an honest person. If someone ask you what you think of a new dress or new hairstyle or whatever, you don't have to say, "I think it makes you look ten years older" or "It makes you look like you gained 50 pounds". I guess you could be a little polite, without lying too much. You can always modify your comments, so that the other party will know what you think, but still isn't really hurt.
It still doesn't solve the problem if you're being honest or not. I guess you're not being 100% honest, but then again, honesty isn't always the best way.....even though that's what we've been taught. I learned not to lie, but I was also taught to say "thank you very much" for a present I didn't even like. And if I were asked what I thought about this present, I had to say that I was very happy about it. So....back to square 1. If you change the things asked and answered though, you can still say, that I was telling the truth. I was asked what I thought of the present, but that wasn't really what I answered to. I said I was very happy.....Not about the present though, but the thought that the giver had laid into that present. I was happy to see that someone cared about me. And then I wasn't really lying, was I ?
To me honesty means to be true to yourself. Be absolutely certain how you feel about this and that, and act upon it. Don't let the opinions of other spoil the way you think, but be who you are. If your honesty means that others might be hurt by hearing it, then do not share it. Get at close to the truth as you can, and know by yourself that you did a good job hiding the way you really feel, but still you didn't exactly lie, and you didn't hurt anyone.
I have no idea why it is that way, but being lonely is still an embarrasment to most people. Nobody want to admit that they feel lonely. At least not if they're otherwisw well-function people. Being alone is one thing, and that's socially acceptable, but loneliness is certainly not. If you're lonely, it must be because you're "different"....meaning that you don't fit in with others.
It's not so though. We're all lonely. I know that's a dangerous claim to come up with, but nevertheless. If you think about it, who knows your thoughts and inner feelings apart from yourself ? No one ! Oh sure, you can try to share it with a friend or a lover, but no matter how much you explain and how deep you feel for the other person, he/she will never ever be able to feel what you feel, to see what you see or to think the way you think. It's just not possible, because we're all unique ! And being unique makes us lonely. We can share all we want, and I'll admit this much, it will bring us closer together, but you'll always be alone with yourself.
I don't think that's bad though. Of course you'll have to accept yourself fully, bad sides as well as good one, and get to like yourself. Then you're alone, but you're always with someone you like ! Now isn't that terrific ?! Many people are afraid of being all by themselves. I guess thay feel the loneliness weighing much to heavy on them, and then to confirm that they're not lonely, they seek company. That's a big mistake ! Being alone in a crowd is the most isolated you can get. Loneliness isn't washed away with being with someone. You'll have to accept your loneliness, enjoy your own company and then you stop feeling lonely. That's how you get rid of that feeling !
Let's talk about looks for a while. Remember that fairy tale about Cinderella ? She had two very ugly, mean and lazy stepsisters while she was working her butt of and she was beautyfull... even in rags !
I think this childhood image stays with us somehow. Being beautyfull means that you're also a nice person, while if you're plain, ordinary or outright ugly, you're also lazy and not least, mean to the bone. So what does that mean ? Well, it makes many of the human race to some mean persons. We're not born with the advantage of a good look, therefore we're just not nice people.
What a bunch of crap. (Excuse my language!) The way you look isn't what makes you a beauty. Being beautyfull is not the actual way you look, but more the way you behave. I've seen a lot of people who weren't blessed with a good look, but something in their eyes or their smile or just in their caring for others made them look different to me. They suddenly possed beauty. See, that's the kind of beauty you'll have to work for. It's not just something you're born with and can take for granted. You'll have to earn it ! That's where the real beauty lies.
A good look is just what you leave as a first impression. Maybe you can catch some attention by just looking nice, but if you're not into "earned beauty", well.... the interest will soon fade. At least if you're looking for a nice person. The person behind the surface. Our society today lays a lot of importance into what we look like. We should all be young and slim and have big eyes and white teeth. Well, not all of us have that, and we desperatly try to compensate by buying all kind of useless products. And why do we do that ? Because we don't want to be the mean stepsisters!
When it comes to being beautyfull, I'll just say : "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder". Don't try to look like the models. Be yourself and be nice to other people. That's where the real beauty lies. Underneath the surface.
Whenever somebody close to us die we react strongly. And it doesn't really matter if we suspected it or not. Sometimes death comes like a shock to us and sometimes it's just the end of a long battle. In any we moan our loved ones. Of course we're gonna miss them, but wasn't death really the right thing for them ? We can feel sorry that maybe they didn't get the most out of their lives, but we've got to see it from another point of view sometimes. We've got to see that we're just indulging in selfpity. "I'm so lonely after he/she left me (died)". Well, that's not the spirit is it ? I know that death of a lifecompanion leaves the other one very lonely. Friends and family tends to their own buisness, as the are afraid to say or do something wrong,or they simply feel helpless. They cannot bring the deceased back, so there's no use talking about it. That's the most common attitude. But the one left behind need to talk about the deceased.Not to bring him/her back but simply to keep the memories alive. It's not wrong and it's not something that shold make the listener uncomfortable.
That's just one part of it though. If you've got a different attitude towards death, you're considered coldhearted. For instance : you mom is suffering from cancer and she's been sick for years. she's getting weeker and weeker, and finally she gives it up. You say to your friends : My mom died last night. I feel so happy for her." You are considered coldhearted because you want your mom to die, although the alternative is that she is alive and suffering....and suffering ALOT. You wanted her to get rid of the pain and you're considered coldhearted. (Isn't it a strange world?) You are being accused of not loving her, when you could wish for her to die, when that's exactly why you wished it. Because you love her. And loved her too much to want to see her suffer anymore.
I guess the problem lies within the human nature and maybe even more in our culture. We're not supposed to express our true feelings. There's some codes that we have to follow to be like the others, and if we don't follow them we're outcast. Another aspect of our attitude towards death might lie in the fact that nobody really knows what lies beyond. We're a little scared of death, and therefor we don't talk about it. maybe if we don't say it out loud, it'll go away !
If we just saw death for what it is, merely the end of the lifetime and not some kind of punishment, maybe it would alll be a little easier for all of us. Death is as natural as birth and mostly death is wanted. At least the one who are going toward the end of life,sometimes suffering terrible pains wants it. So let's make death a happy ocasion instead of trying to ignore it. It isn't allways bad !
Every year at christmas time, you hear that phrase "I want peace on earth." I can't help wondering about that. I myself want peace on earth, and I don't know anybody who doesn't. How come that we have war then? I mean if we all truly want peace and despice war, what is it that still make people fight ?
Some of it has to do with honor and freedom. I'm aware of that. You're being attacked and then you fight back. I can relate to that. The missing link is....who started it all ? Nobody really wants war, so where does it begin ? Is it that we're not completly honest about this war thing, and actually enjoy it somehow ? I don't like to think so, but the human nature is very complicated. We say one thing and do another. I'm sure it's not because we're evil by nature, but maybe we just don't see the consequences of our actions. Maybe....
Most wars are of religious nature, and this I do not understand. I believe that most beliefs speak of peace among men, so why fight about it. When we get to the bottomline we're all human, and we should be able to live together no matter what name our God has.
I think that when people start to respect one another, we can start talking about really wanting peace. We have to accept several differences though, and even if we don't understand our neighbour's point of view, we must be ready to respect and accept that it's his way of seeing it, and it might be just as good and right as our own way. When we reach that state of mind I believe we can start to talk about peace on earth, but we do have to agree on this, and we have to say "I don't understand your point of view, but I respect it just the same, and I don't think that I'm better than you are." I guess that's the hardest thing for us to do, but that's where we got to go to make peace among men.
As christmas draws near I think that my greatest wish is peace on eart and end of pain and decease for all mankind. It's a wish that I know is impossible to fulfill, but I think at least we can all work toward a better world, and someday we might actually have peace. I try to respect other people's opinion, but I'm not perfect and I still think some people are very wrong while I'm right. Nevertheless I do try to respect other people, and I guess that's a good start. I want christmas to be a happy occasion for each and every one of you, and I don't care if you believe in one God or the other. If you're one of those who doesn't even celebrate christmas, I still wish you a happy time.
Merry Christmas everybody !